Simon Inglis: Authentic Communication

Authentic Communication

Do your conversations quickly turn into arguments thereby putting pressure on your relationship? Do you feel misunderstood when you try have a meaningful conversation and therefore never seem to get what you want?

Does it become uncomfortable for you to voice what you?re feeling for the fear that it might turn into another fight? What?s going on here, and is there a solution to this problem?

One way to escape this is through empowered communication: Learning to communicate more effectively gives you understanding, connection, the ability to build meaningful relationships, gives you what you want.

The first step lies in being able to understand and connect with what you want. If I get what I want will my problem be solved?

Then connect with the feeling behind your unmet need: are you annoyed, angry, confused, disconnected, embarrassed, tense, sad... Naming the feeling gives you ownership of it, otherwise it's just another feeling that?s easily projected onto others.

I feel uncomfortable and it?s your fault! If only my boss, partner or friend would get their act together, then everything would be ok!

So what are some practical steps to take to get you out of this mess?

1. Create a plan to get what you want.
2. Connect with and express your feelings.
3. Connect with and express your needs then connect with your partners needs.
4. Ask yourself: ?If I have this need met, will I feel better for it??

Developing the skill of listening and connecting with what someone is expressing is the basis for meeting needs and growing relationships. Release your need for association with or need to fix another persons problem but at the same time take responsibility for your own behavior.

Key is taking responsibility for the quality of relationship with your partner, business colleague, friend etc. Know what you want and why you want it, and then use authentic communication as a means to get it and grow your relationship.

Source: http://www.simoninglis.com/2012/02/authentic-communication.html

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